My 27 year crush...

I didn't make time to do his blog earlier this week,

so here is a quick photo tribute to my best buddy and eternal partner.

Looking at these pictures reminds me why I have had a crush on this guy since 1984!

Happy Birthday My Love!

Troy with his sister Stacey

Troy and Stacey 

so adorable

 Troy's dad re-married and he gained another sister and brother

What a funny bunch of hooligans!

Troy and I in 6th grade

 I always loved Troy and Denise as a couple! 

She is a dear woman still and our friend.

this photo is not so good.  ICK

Troy was obsessed with Jordan

   Troy with his mom and grandpa

  Troy and his Pa

My hottie!

I love you babe.

She calls me the likeable Tiger Mom

A while back, at work on the "Working Parents" distribution list (email group for informal discussion on parental topics), someone posted this article about the strict Chinese "tiger" mom that just released her book on parenting. 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/41041687#41041687

Next, another employee stated this: "Very interesting read, reading these kinds of articles makes me wonder how parents work so hard for the kids, in terms of money, time, and energy?  Even though the results might imply that this is a good thing, I must say I feel sad for these kids. However, it is every parents right to define their family structure and define their terminology of what success means for them. A well balanced life (again – define what is balance) for each family is different. I’d love to hear from other Chinese mothers on this DL to get their POV." 

As you can imagine, many different Asians (both living here in the US and outside) started replying to the email thread and discussion was in full mode.  WELL, you know me, I had to pipe up.  Here is a what I said.  

I am a Caucasian American and was raised by non-structured parents in a small secluded coastal town in Oregon. My parents were young, busy, and partook in activities of the 'world'.  Surprisingly, my parents upbringing was much different than the environment of my childhood. 

For example, my mom grew up with a wonderful mother and had the opportunity to take piano lessons as a child.  She quit too early.  However, I begged to take lessons as a child, but it was considered 'too annoying'.   So, we played outside, all the time, all day, all hours, man we had fun on the dark trails near our house playing till terrible hours of the night.  My brother and I didn't have many rules in the late 70's and 80's.  Living in the wilderness, we had a lot of freedom to roam and explore the logging roads.  I shiver at the idea of what could have happened to us in those remote locations.  Actually, I know some of the inappropriate things that did happen when no parents were around.  Back in those days, we didn't wear helmets, seatbelts, rain coats, life jackets, or worry about other similar things. 

At 33, while I was enjoying my single life, I finally allowed myself to marry the guy I had loved since we began kissing behind the bushes in the 6th grade (25 years prior).  However, scary for me was that he had an 8 year old daughter, YIKES!  Troy did a great job being a single father for many years, but truth be told, they lived without structure - flying by the seat of their pants.  HOW FUN FOR THEM! As a teen, I was wild and I lacked values.  Fortunately for me, I loved school, work, and sports.  I had an internal drive to succeed and understood the importance of self-reliance.  I knew that I wanted to someday be independent, be respected for my work ethic, be paid for the work my brain could produce, and contribute to society.  I will defend I had equally fun and miserable childhood experiences, don't we all? I had friends with very loving spiritual homes and I had friends with the opposite.  I enjoyed going to both. Life was just what it was, you learn to play the cards you are dealt.  However, I clearly remember deciding at age five that I never wanted a family of my own.  I had already processed the difficulties of family life.

As a new family, we all formed a new lifestyle and when we did my past all suddenly felt healed for me. I no longer ‘felt’ anything toward how my parents raised me or their lack of effort. I have no negative feelings and no regrets – the path I took was for a reason. I love my parents, even when I don't like them.  I don’t hang out with them but an average of less than 1x per year, but I do love them.  They love their parents. My grandparents loved their parents. I understand that no parents do it right, we just do it. For the most part, kids get over the good and the bad that they face or experience in their childhood. They are resilient; they move on, they form their adult life. I do not believe the emotional damage from a terrible childhood has to be as impactful as this country obsessively talks about. I had a lot of odd and emotional experiences as a child, but I can honestly say, I don't feel regret or anger about any of them. 

Somehow, for some reason, our small family of three quickly became extremely conservative, very structured, and formed high expectations. I can hardly believe that we have all done a 360 about face and all on our own accord. We created clear accountability for all three of us, to avoid negative situations as well as encourage Alyssa to reach higher than she believes she can. We have no secrets in our home and our passwords are shared (even my husband and I share one facebook page). We model all the behaviors we expect of our daughter. We are very clear about the need for Alyssa to build skills to enjoy her adulthood and be self-reliant in life through a career she chooses or as a stay at home mother. Yes, we often push her to the point when she wants to quit or say, “I can’t”.  Recently, she did not meet my expectations so the next Saturday we spent a painful 9 hours working on her 7 page research paper on Deep Sea Creatures. She hates to write papers, but I expect her to be able to produce a great essay. I coach and step back to allow her grow. This pattern went on all day long until she realized I was not going to back down and she would grow her skill level. It was sad to see her waste her free day, but it was her choice to not use her time wisely.

It is rewarding for all of us though when she accomplishes great things and then thanks us for not being like other ‘soft rescuing’ parents that she has observed. She is developing a sense of routine and duty. She realizes she doesn’t have to be like the other kids. She can still live a full life and be efficient in how she uses her time each day. Life has a purpose and is meant to have clear boundaries. "The development of character through self-mastery is part of the game plan of life's winners. Have self-respect, self-pride, self-discipline. Manage yourself, govern appetites, and control passions so you can give your best effort and achieve your highest level of competency. Lasting joy can come to the person who is willing to pay the price of self-denial to achieve a noble character and reach lofty goals."


• This year, Alyssa attended TEDxRedmond. She knows that children can achieve great things when parents encourage them to be AMAZING. http://www.ted.com/tedx/events/766.html

• She homeschool and self-guides her education using the WA online curriculum with the expectation of attending Running Start at the community college at age 16


• She will leave home at 18 and will attend BYU that she is excited for, saving for and will fully fund herself (as I did my college).


• She paid for a babysitting class and a CPR class and then began babysitting at age 11. In the past 15 months, she earned ~ $1000.  She has bought herself a sewing machine and contributed toward her $500 road bike.


• Expected time tracking of all daily activities


• Consistent schedule for expected home up-keep


• Tidiness is always expected – ‘cleanliness is next to Godliness’


• Sundays are very holy and should be treated very different than the other 6 days of the week. We use this day to read, ponder, pray, and fortify our family and divine relationships.


• Expected church and community time committments as well as financial donations


• No sleepovers (nothing good happens after dark)


• Play time with local girlfriends has to be earned


• Often, she trades play time with leisure reading time in the bathtub (but don’t worry, I won’t let her become a social recluse)


• We eat vegan and discuss nutrition every meal – staying away from any food addictions and food as a source of pleasure


• Clearly, in our church we are counseled to avoid any addiction


• We have no cable in our home, we don’t play the radio in our home and she knows that the PG guideline for movies is not something just for under 13 years old


• We have the PG family settings on the home computer; we know every site visited, length of time, & all IM chats are recorded


• She is not allowed to just ‘surf’ the net and waste time


• No video games in our home


• Don’t ‘plug’ in to electronics when you should be engaging in real live human interactions


• MP3 usage is rare


• We will delay her ‘owning’ her own phone as long as we can


• She will not use facebook automatically at the magic age of 13, we will determine later in her teen years when the time is right for us not when the ‘world’ says it is time


• Swim team attendance is 4 days a week, 2 hour practices


• She rides her bike to swim team, 4 miles each way in all seasons and weather


• She is mostly expected to transport herself anywhere within a 6 mile radius; library, hair appt, piano lessons, sewing lessons, art classes, babysitting jobs


• We take a lot of flak from our family, friends, church members, and neighbors on how ‘independent’ we ask her to be – BUT she loves that she is different and ‘hard-core’ and is respected by many


• At age 11, she had already participated in: triathlons, half-marathons, hiked Grand Canyon, and completed five 40 mile hikes last summer carrying her own 25 pounds of gear


• Piano practice is 1 hour a day, with few exceptions


• Ask to be excused from the room or table


• Our indoor home security cameras record all movements and is a point of accountability.  Live feed is streamed to my phone and laptop.


• Modest dress: no shoulders please and knee length shorts


• I pick out her clothes, it is simpler that way. She does have the gumption to tell me when she doesn’t like something but she mostly just goes with the flow.


• We do not buy name brands and I don’t want popular styles to be a source of ‘pride’ for her


• Early to bed and very early to rise
• I am not a crier so I don't do well with that emotion. That is something that can be enjoyed in the privacy of a bedroom (I know crying can be considered healthy)
• Make and achieve lofty goals


• Don’t live life with fear, but be aware of surroundings.  Bad things are going to happen, know how to handle difficult situations and also have faith that there is a reason for every trial. Life is about learning and not being ‘rescued’.  However, Heavenly Father does not leave you to bear life alone.


• Every choice comes with a consequence (either good or bad). We try to choose natural consequences so anger can be taken out of the situation. We still tell her we love her even when she has disappointed us and is facing a consequence that is not welcomed.

• I do encourage her to properly negotiate when she wants something

• Back talk will get her mouth washed out.   An angry ‘hot’ display will result in ‘cooling’ process; ex: cold shower or being ‘locked’ out of the house – “dress warm, take the leash and go walk the dog until you are welcomed back in the home”

She IS developing her own ‘sense of being’ even in our rigid environment. I see this as a good sign that she is not in over her head and we are not yet making her crazy in the head. She has already verbalized she plans to incorporate 50% of our lifestyle when she raises her own children. (whether that sticks or not, only time will tell) She sees the value of a strict life and she contrasts the good and bad attentions that come with being an only child.

Recently, I had a heart to heart email exchange with her swim coach and he understood he had a lot  more leadway that he could take on his approach with her.  He got very tough once he realized he had my support.  Wouldn't you know, her practices and race times SIGNIFICANTLY improved quickly.  Last week, she knocked 10 seconds off her 50 yd back stroke.  You see, this kid needs this kind of strong direction.  If she knows she is being watched, she does so much better.  Of course, I am trying to instill in her, "a person's true character is revealed by what they do when no one is watching," but we have work to do in that department.  

Our daughter enjoys amazing benefits that I feel offset the rigidity we normally maintain. Ex: She spends a month each summer with her grandparents in Iowa with few ‘rules’ and 2 week spring breaks with them as well. She has a season ski pass and has already gone up 8 days this year. We spent 10 days at Disneyland last Christmas and will be headed to Disneyworld this next Christmas. Troy and I include her in 95% of our ‘date’ time so she can have life experiences from visiting the Seattle Art Museum, to a weekend anniversary get-away, to the lengthy road trips taken to Grand Canyon, Glacier National Park and Washington DC. I think it is good for her to see that most of life is ‘duty’ but from time to time, we can cherish short reprieves. She is not sheltered.

She does let us know when she is not happy about something and she does know how to speak her mind. We also teach her the value of accepting ‘NO’ from authority. My motto has always been: “good people can come from bad parents while even good parents perform their best and still get bad kids” – There is so much more that forms a person than just their childhood or how their parents ‘raised’ them. Don’t be afraid of being the most strict parent in your network.  I know too many people that are 'afraid' of screwing up their kids and instead, they aren't allowing them to reach their full potential in all the areas possible.

I hope you enjoyed reading my odd story and my perspective on parenting.

For the most part, we have a happy, smiling, laughing, healthy, spiritual, home.  Alyssa calls me the 'Likeable Tiger Mom'.  I think that is a compliment?!

Our Purple Destiny has arrived!

According to US News and World Report (2010)

Top 10 Computer Science Programs in the United States

University of Washington, Seattle campus = # 8

Troy Schuring

Congratulations!

The Department of Computer Science & Engineering is
pleased to offer you admission for Spring 2011.

We hope that you will accept this offer and join our program.

We will answer all Spring quarter registration questions
at CSE orientation, next week.

Welcome to the CSE Department!

Professor Carl Ebeling

Undergraduate Admissions Committee Chair

http://www.cs.washington.edu/

A few stats to share:

UW averages 160 students accepted per year

Only 40% of applicants are accepted

Troy attempted admittance six months ago and was denied
The advisors said it was due to his ONE B grade in Physics, darn it!

Last Fall, 100/300 were accepted dropping the acceptance rate to 33%

64% of those transferring in have a GPA of 3.75 or higher

In 2009, no one below 3.25 was accepted

What a loving daughter!

  Even Roxy got a new collar. 

A family effort

Want the full story on Troy's schooling journey from 1993- 2011

Read his two essays submitted to UW

Short Answer: Describe how you could bring a broad perspective to the engineering classroom. Factors to discuss include, but are not limited to: multi-cultural awareness, activities, or accomplishments; educational background and goals; living experiences, such as growing up in a disadvantaged or unusual environment; and special interests or talents.

Am I really 16 years behind schedule or is this exactly where I should be?  I trust that life is about facing adversity, otherwise it would be a boring journey.  Once I realized that everyone grows at different rates, I was able to bury those concerns and trudge forward.  While my personal growth each year may have seemed small, the collective change is profound.  This Christmas is going to be very special to me.  After 28 seasons apart, my father and I have the opportunity to be together.  His character is admirable and it is a shame that life separated us many years ago.  Our hearts are healing and we find an urgency to make memories.  After leaving Iowa in 1983 with my mother, I experienced life in a small coastal town and later a few large cities.  Each of those areas had different cultures and demographics for me to learn from.  Appreciating those trials comes from years of reflection.  The majority of my growth has been in the past three years.  Getting married and dedicating our family to community involvement through our church organization has re-defined my life.  I bring these insights into the classroom.  Gaining confidence, setting goals, and tasting accomplishment led me to running.  Now, having completed two marathons, six ½ marathons, and a 186 mile 12-person relay, I can see that life offers endless views to aim for, whether it is running, career choices, or making a difference in the community.  I now live life with a purpose. 

Long Answer:  Please write one page on the topics below. We look for well-written essays and for applicants who express themselves creatively and effectively. We also look for breadth or depth in an applicant’s interests and activities. Please discuss any unusual experiences, activities, or interests you would bring to the CSE community. We are very interested in your future goals. Please discuss where your aspirations in computer science or computer engineering will enable you to go.  If you overcame any significant obstacles (such as medical, financial, cultural, or personal challenges), or have taken an interesting path to find computer science and engineering, please discuss that here.

"How many times should a man attempt to pursue his dream? My story is going to tell of five tries. It took me years to realize what exactly didn’t go right for me. In 1994 at the age of 18, I began my Computer Science degree at the University of Portland. I was not mature, independent, or dedicated enough to succeed. Everything prior to college had been easy for me including academic success so I was not at all prepared for that environment. I performed well in my first year, but my second year was very different. Later, I tried attending a much smaller school in Central Oregon, but again lacked the skills needed. As a new parent in 1998, I felt the duty of responsibility and began dreaming of returning to my education.

My life changing event came in 2001. With no warning, I found myself a single father raising not only my daughter, but also her older half-sister. Their mother willingly left behind her daughters forever and my parental instinct set in. With another round of courage, I returned to school at Portland Community College with a busy schedule. Doing well the first two quarters gave me hope, but once again I burned out. The routine of juggling classes, working a manual labor job, and parenting was overwhelming. Not yet defeated, I regrouped the next quarter for what I thought would be my final attempt. Finally, out of desperation, I realized I needed help from my sister and mother to raise two little girls, so I moved home in 2002 and put my dream to rest for seven years.

My success since beginning at Bellevue College (BC) in spring 2009, demonstrates the potential I always had. All through those challenging years, I never lost confidence in myself. I knew without doubt my brain thrived on math and science; I just needed the right environment. Combining the 62 credits from BC and 10 credits from Highline, I am pleased to share with you my 3.88 G.P.A. This was earned while mostly working full time and maintaining balance with my family. The reason this journey is different is because I am now well supported by my wife who has been through this process herself. She completed her BA at UW and an MBA at Seattle University on schedule, while working full time. My daughter is twelve years old and a self-guided homeschooler who understands the importance of my success and the consequences of my previous disappointments. We will take this journey together as a family and I will not let them down.

I was extremely disappointed to be denied acceptance into your CS program last fall. Immediately, the CS advisor let me know the main reason for the denial was my Physics 121 grade of 3.0 received in winter 2009. This is my lowest grade received during the past two years. The circumstances that effected my grade; I took this class in the 8PM – 10PM time slot while also taking two other classes, worked full time, instructor’s first Physics class, and the course material was compacted into just 9 weeks. With Physics meeting M,T,Th, we were shorted four classes due to holidays and administrative days. Without doubt, I lived and breathed physics that quarter, but still came up short. The UW CS advisor suggested I proceed forward with Physics 122 and get a 4.0. I did that last quarter along while taking Differential Equations and Web Development, proving my readiness for spring acceptance.

Back in 1982, my family owned an Apple IIC computer and so began my love for software development. I spent hours experimenting with BASIC programs. Researching possibilities and developing technology is where I want to be. Getting my BS and MS in Computer Science is the first step in accomplishing this goal.

Through the years, I supported my family by working in manufacturing, sales, bartending, and construction. Now, my family is able to lend me their support. We have adapted our lifestyle so I can be a full time student for three years and earn my Master’s degree at UW. This past summer, I was able to accept a full time internship and gain live programming experience. I worked for a private party building a website under his direction gaining experience in Asp.net, SQL, and C#. This again reassured my choice of this field.

Every experience in my life has shaped me into the person that I am today therefore, I don’t have any regrets. After going through the low points of my life, my appreciation is enormous. I hope that this committee will recognize my recent educational accomplishments and not let my past failures persuade you otherwise. Obtaining a degree in CS has been a goal of mine for 18 years. I will bring to your classroom; the ethics of a Christian, a devoted father setting an example, a tenacious man who has overcome hardship, and the competitiveness of an athlete. These characteristics did not accompany me when I began this journey, so please accept me for the person that I am today.

Click to see larger view of Troy's classes over the years,
talk about a man who didn't quit!

Congratulations Troy, I am so proud of you!

19 years ago - January 1992

WOW, I can't believe this was 19 years ago.

As you can see, January is not my month for riding in vehicles.

January 23, 1992, @ 1pm, my junior year in high school.
I was the front seat passenger of a brand new red SUV. 

We had skipped out of Debate class to run to Starbucks. 

On the return trip back to the school, I was holding 2 cups of coffee.

The driver was jumping hills for fun and we were traveling 90mph in a 35mph zone. 

We were unable to stop and made contact with a Bronco.
The Bronco carried members of a family that I babysat for.

The father and one twin daughter were in it and yes, they were just fine. 

This is the result. Two totaled, burned vehicles

 Broken femur, two scars

I am not sure I was wearing my seatbelt or not, but I braced myself for the impact with both of my feet on the dash.

Facial abrasions from glass 

This damage was not from the accident impact, it was from being rescued face down through the debris, moving quickly away from the fire.

I had to take crutches to prom night. What an ugly dress, sheesh.

For a few  years, glass continued to find it's way to the surface of my face and I had a few rounds of follow up plastic surgery.  This is when they sanded my face to smooth out the scars.

18 months later (July 1993), I had the steel rod removed from my leg.
The doctors let me keep the metal and I have it as a rememberance, stored away in a box with my journal that I had to keep for the lawyers. 
I can't bring myself to read it though. 
I just can't stomach all those thoughts I wrote down.
There are even bone particles still attached to it.

It was a long 4 year ordeal until settlement, but a good learning experience. 
I don't have any regrets, no blame, and the scars no longer bother me. 
Thank you to my mom for caring for me during that time.

Code 1-5, the lie meter

Recently, we developed a Code 1-5 chart for our family, to guide us a little better when navigating mucky waters. 

You see, none of us are perfect, we are going to make mistakes.  But of course, we shouldn't PLAN to make a mistake knowing we will PLAN to just say sorry later.  It is a tricky concept to teach children that we will love them even when they make mistakes, we know they will make mistakes, yet we still need to encourage them to not WANT to make them.  Finding the balance between, forgiving them while not making to too easy for them to do it again.  Knowing that Heavenly Father forgive us and we need to be willing to forgive our children, is so tough. 

We had to further define a system since our home team was just not 'getting' it.  We talked about how every decision in life results in a consequence, COULD be good, COULD be bad, COULD be very very damaging.  Sometimes as adults we make a decision that is wrong, yet we rationalize what consequence we are willing to risk. ex:  "Should I go 10 miles over the speed? If caught then the ticket will be X.  However, if I go 50 miles over the speed, I could die or go to jail."  So, we often take a risk, don't we?  But most of us now know there is only so far we are willing to go. 

Often times, children will go to great lengths to avoid any negative consequence.  I have found out that even trying to avoid a scolding is worth the risk of lie.  ex: a child may be told they can have 2 cookies for a treat and instead they will take 6.  Now, that in an of itself, isn't bad really.  However, a simple situation like that can quickly go south.   They can hide the situation, they can be asked about the reduction in supply, they can lie, they can even turn the emotion around, call their parents the liar, or even yell at the parent for something completely unrelated to difuse the attention.  BUT oh, how simple the little confession could have been. 

Now, I know that sin is sin and the Lord does not look favorably upon it. I have to believe there is a big difference between lying about brushing teeth versus stealing from a neighbor!   Helping children to have a desire to confess a 'small' lie and understand that accepting a small consequence such as 'get a ticket', will be so much easier than letting the scenario escalate and get sent 'to jail.'  We want our children to make their own choices, yet they need to be willing to accept the outcome of their choice.  Here is our bigger picture defined.

LIE METER - you will see how quickly it can go sour
CODE 1 = vague question/statement, vague answer
example: Q: "wow, it sure seems like you were gone a long time, anything I should know about?"  A: "oh, I don't really know what time it is."
consequence:  well, if they were just wasting time, well then they weren't doing anything really bad, they aren't really lying, just sort of avoiding the question, but they aren't being accountable to their schedule.

CODE 2 = direct question, direct answer
example: Q: "did you brush your teeth tonight?" A: "yeah!"
consequence:  this is disappointing to a parent to see their child lie so quickly, but usually, the child will wait until you aren't looking and go carry out the task they just lied about, hoping no one will know and they have made it right by following up. No big consequence, maybe a scolding, maybe called out on their bad breath, or mabe just a little embarrassing.

CODE 3 = pre-mediated action and lie
example:  "Tomorrow, I plan to ride my bike to Sally's house" - Later, child may casually act like they told you they meant to say they were going to Billy's house. 
consequence:  great if they admitted it on their own, even if it was after the fact, but the fact that they pre-planned it and lied in advance to the action, well, this consequence is more like, lose reading time for a week, can't attend the birthday party for Sally next week, or write us a paper on lying please.

CODE 4 = caught after the fact, multiple hours or days after the action. 
This is getting more serious and shows their ease of guilt.  They had no intention of confessing ever and were just hoping to not get caught.
example:  5 days go by, child has forced a memory loss, and suddenly evidence appears that clearly proves something has happened. Child had plenty of time to bring to the attention of the parent, but just wanted it to be slipped under the rug and they walked around the house all week long with no remorse.
consequence:  definately a week grounding, although child thinks 1 day is just punishment.  Weird, definately parent and child are not in sync on what is fair.

CODE 5 = child was visually sneaky about a situation, knows without a doubt they are guilty, is asked multiple times, looks parent straight in the eye, denies multiple times, continues to lie even when they know parent knows, even when hard evidence has been shown to them, no matter what, they just refuse to admit their action or lie and even insuates that parent is lying. 
Most surprising during the multiple opportunities to tell the truth, even when threatened with something super fun to them, they won't cave.  This is a serious offense.  One that will result in signficant loss, even a planned summer camp or the rest of ski season privileges. 
example: 
"I know today was not a good day for you, do you have anything you should tell us?"
"NOPE, was a great day."
"I know you did x."
"I did not do that."
"I saw you with my own eyes."
"You did not see me do that because that is not true."
"Are you calling me a liar?"
 "Well, it appears you are calling me one."
"I have three pieces of evidence."
"I did not do that and you can not punish me for something I did not do." 
"To heXX I can't, watch me."

Now, I can tell you, I know of families that have experienced a Code 3, 4, and 5 all at the same time  - and it is not PRETTY.  It can destroy an entire week. So, we decided to try to hit the nail on the head.  We practiced some real life scenarios that a typical 12 year old might consider lying about. 

I found it to be very free-ing and beneficial for us.  We hope that our child will be truthful,  even when she when nervous of a negative consequence.  We found out she does not like to even receive any negative words such as, "I am disappointed that you chose to do that, we really needed X done today, can you please explain why you chose to disobey?"  We explained that this is part of life and she must try to not fear dialogue like that or how will we grow, improve, or be able to function as a family?  We need to be able to ask questions and get answers and have trust.

ROLE PLAYING

"I am sorry I am late, I texted you that I was on my way, but then chose to stay an extra 10 minutes to talk to friends."  "Ok, thank you for telling us, now please still get your chores done tonight before you go to bed."

"I know you told me I could read for 30 minutes, but I chose to read for 60 minutes and didn't get my homework done." "Ok, you will still need to make time before bed to still complete your responsibility and that may mean you have to eat into some of your sleep time."

"I chose to soak up the sun today and did not pick the bucket of weeds I promised."  "Oh, I am disappointed because we have company coming for dinner and we were going to eat on the patio - tomorrow you will do two buckets of weeds."

"I did not complete my committed piano practice time this week." "Oh, that is too bad, remember the agreed consequence, you will have to pay me back for the lesson this week." 

"I will be home in 10 minutes, did you put away the vacuum today?"  "Yes!"  "Well thank you for remembering, what a good girl you are."  minutes later.... "Why is the vacuum still out?"  (It blows my mind when child is mad at me)... "I am sorry, I meant to put it away before you arrived home.  I told a lie and it was my mistake."  "Ok, thank you for admitting the error and please try to be more honest when answering an easy question."

"Why is the house 75 degrees?" "Um, I was cold." "Ok, will you please put on my clothes and not heat the house past 68 degrees.  Remember, it costs money to run the heat all day long and money doesn't grow on trees."

"Did you wear your helmet today on your bike ride?" "YES!"  "Weird, the helmet is sitting in the exact same position as where I saw it this morning." "Oh, actually, I shouldn't have replied so quickly, I must have forgotten to wear it today." "Ok, thank you for telling me the truth.  Please know that I care about your safety and a helmet could save your life."

It was a good exercise to practice and she felt more empowered and armed with experience after we discussed how small the these incidents could stay if we just remain forthright in our communications. 

Oh, the joys of learning!

Don't you worry Alyssa, you will have your day as a mother. 

I hope you get a child just like yourself, you sweet little perfect angelic creature!

Still going, always changing - see our Online Garage Sale

Some pictures are posted below, but please see our entire listing on my facebook album: 

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=184416&id=508919445&l=48186f5865

glass 'cookie' jar $8

2 random square plates $2 each

 decorative peppers - whole lot for $5

 glass fruit and vegetables $2 each

 light $99

 George Forman - set it and forget it $19

 pampered chef stonewear $19

 punch bowl $5

   Nike, size 12 women's golf shirt $5

  HO wetsuit, Costco, women's size 10, $9

random earrings. $2 each
Purple/gold earrings from China
from target, light pink bracelet and earrings. $2

J pendant  $2

earrings from africa $1

 like mother of pearl, 2 pendants (one never worn).

3 watches, I wore for fashion, never cared to update the batteries $1 each.

Game boy advance games shown below $3 each

HP officejet 6210 all in one printer, scanner, fax, copier with cords, manual, and software $20ski/snow pant, reversible, dark blue/light blue, zips up both sides completely, elastic waist, about size 10-12, Columbia brand. Don't gauge off Alyssa's size as she never wore these. $8

Let us know if you are interested please. Don't be afraid to make an offer.