The Fabulously Brilliant Flexible Comprehensive Plan for raising independant children who will be able to take care of themselves as adults and have a family of their own.

"The ultimate goal of raising children is to help them OUT of our lives and into successful lives of their own," says Merrilee Boyack in her book, The Parenting Breakthrough. 

President Faust gave a wonderful talk in November 1990 Ensign, "The Greatest Challenge In The World - Good Parenting."  He begins with the reminder that parenting is a privilege,  responsibility, and it is divine.  President McKay once said, "that being parents is the greatest trust that has been given to human beings."  In Faust's talk, he instructs that values MUST be taught, there must be rules, standards, absolutes, respect for others, respect for the symbols of faith and patriotic beliefs of others; respect for law and order; respect for the property of others; and respect for authority."  He firmly speaks about discipline, the necessity of it, the purpose of it, and how to prayfully determine what is necessary for each child. I love how he promotes WORK and taking the time to truly teach our child side by side - over and over and over again - even when the grumble. Hinckley was quoted saying, 'an idle mind is the devil's workshop... and that they need to learn progress, cleanliness, and prosperity." 

My running buddy Melissa introduced me to Merrilee's book and from the minute I began reading, that lady became my hero (ok Melissa, you can be my hero too).  Sister Boyack believes in three basic parenting principles; a) Parents are not responsible for making children happy all the time, b) the best self-esteem for children comes from being able to do things on their own, and c) we are the parents and we are in charge.  Of course, Ihat makes sense and her concepts support the ideas mentioned in Faust's talk. She writes in a funny down to earth manner, easy reading!  Think about it, in many areas of our lives, we make plans, we plan vacations, we plan weddings, we plan how to spend our money.  This lady realized that raising children should also have a plan.  Just like we do in the gospel, when we make a decision to stand true to a value for the rest of our lives, never needing to revisit that decision.  She formed an unwaivering parenting plan, for her children to learn all they needed to by the time they went off to college.

AND SO WHAT DO YOU THINK I DID?  Of course, I emailed Merrilee and asked for her plan. If you want it, it is free for use, just click on the little family cartoon characters, under the home and family section.  It is a wonderful list that shows by what age she expected her children to know how to do. She encourages us to develop our own plan, but we are welcome to begin with hers as a starting point. 

SO, taking advantage of this last night before the clock rolls back and our afternoons get darker earlier, Alyssa was excited to learn how to mow the lawn knowing it would soon become her regular responsibility. Merrilee's kids learned at age 11, so that must have motivated our child into realizing she was old enough too. She was so proud of her clean mow lines and yes, she worked hard at it! (She did want me to make sure her hair didn't look bad for the photo though, how funny!)

Fun and practical, author Merrilee Boyack will have readers laughing out loud as well as feeling grateful for her parenting advice. She’s a mom who’s spent the last 22 years in the real-life work of parenting. “I have four sons, 14, 16, 19 and 23. “You know what that means” she writes. “I’m an absolute expert in raising children 23 and older.” Merrilee offers the “LDS parenting owner’s manual they forgot to give you” from training kids- from toddlers to teens- to be independent. It includes ideas for how to teach kids about money, investing, debt, and the importance of earning their own money; how to help children with emotional and spiritual development ; and much more.

We want them to be righteous, productive, skilled, smart, helpful, wise, intelligent, and hardworking.  If they are happy occassionally too, that's an added benefit.  She states it's ok to let them be miserable sometimes and we should refuse to do things for them that they are capable of.  They must learn all these emotions in the home so develop coping skills. We need to allow them feel frustration, delayed gratification, sadness, misery, and all the feelings in the spectrum. We are currently raising a society that has no concept of work, they have too much food, too many clothes, too many toys, and they don't have to work for any of it. Don't be fooled into thinking that they will gain self-esteem from that list. 

Merrilee says, "We have to know a LOT before we can be successful adults. Some of you may be reading the list and thinking, 'gee, I still need to learn some of this.'  It’s never too late!"  Alyssa and I printed the plan and reviewed it discussing all that she has learned up to now, what we feel she still needs to learn at this particular age, and also added those things she wants to learn, before she becomes a cougar in 5 years! 

Thank you Merrilee for your wonderful words of wisdom and THANK YOU MELISSA!