It's amazing as a parent, the journey that seems so big or so small at the time, and later becomes something more different than you ever expected. Today, I had my 'come to Jesus' moment. I had to face that I was the one holding on. I am the only one mourning our change, today. These lyrics sum it all up for me, You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
There's never been a question about this, she likes the water.
Kids don't always know what they want, they just want to do something.
So in 2009, I encouraged Alyssa to seek out a sport, "you know, like swim team."
To get her ready for a swim team, we began with the Learn To Swim- four week classes at Covington.
Level 3: 5/26/2009
Level 4: 7/23/2009
Level 4: 8/23/2009
Level 4: 9/28/2009
Level 5:11/19/2009
Level 6: 12/16/2009
She served me faithfully back then. You know, you remember right? Those were the days that have come and now gone...the days when kids were easy; submissive, willing to please, life is simple, no hormones drowning their brain. You tell them they had a fun day and they go to bed believing it!
She was such a small gal back then on this small bike!
But the truth was, she always just really liked to just play in the water, not really work.
She will grow out of the 'just play attititude'.
She is young, she will begin to crave the muscle work, or so I thought.
We explored with a Diving Class 12/19/2009.
But all she really just wanted to do was play in the water!
After all the lessons, she moved up to Competitive Swim 2/24/2010, and a bigger bike.
Gosh, she looks so young there still.
Finally, she was ready for the King Aquatic Team. She tried out on 10/14/2009.
She started in the Developmental group.
I never pushed her to feel like she was working toward a scholarship.
I just wanted her to work hard, have fun, and feel the reward.
She looked like she was having some fun. Her friends came and went and we would talk about them quitting too soon, not really going for it. She continued to humor me, but looking back, I should have realized, all she really wanted to do was play!
Time passed, and she built great form in every stroke and muscle too, both which she appreciates. She improved her times too!
But all she really wanted to do was enjoy the birthday swims, the birthday cupcakes, and play!
We traveled to a few meets and made family weekends out of them too!
But she still just wanted to only associate the water with playing.
I thought if I got involved and was just as bit dedicated to the sport, she would feel like it was 'our thing.' The requirement is that parents volunteer a total of 24 hours per season. It worked out great that Microsoft matched my volunteer time with cash donation to the non-profit organization. I became a Stroke and Turn Official and essentially had 'front' row seats to all the meets! She said she liked it when her friends would ask, "your mom is an official?" They seemed impressed and she liked that.
We even got her to explore her interests of biking and running and participate in a few triathlons. She bought a big girl bike!
But somewhere along the way, we didn't make as much time to play.. and my fun was no longer her fun. She began to lie and skip practice. The first time we caught this, was 12/27. Troy and I were so looking forward to date night. We couldn't believe that she would seriously sit in a bathroom stall for 90 minutes doing nothing. That night, we said, "YOU ARE DONE, no more swim." She cried, she begged, she fought for it. It blew our mind, she seemed to actually care. So, she won, the next day, we caved and said, "Ok, you can swim, we didn't think you wanted to, so we were trying to do you a favor." However, then she replied with saying she didn't want to suddenly. We were so confused. We kept thinking she didn't really know and all kids have hard days. Isn't that what parents are for? To carry them through, motivate them, give the pep talk?
Well, fast forward another 6 weeks to 2/14... she didn't want to go to swim and I made her, as I always had to. Typically, she comes home and thanks me for making her go and that she had a good practice. I mean, really, like 90% of the time. Well, on this day, she wasted 2 hours by sitting in the bathroom stall and doodling on TP. It took a week to unfold her lie about where she was and who she swam with. I couldn't deny it any longer, this was the NOT GOOD.
I really never wanted her to do the sport for me. I was not one of those moms, obsessed.
This face became our new norm and I knew we were done.
She quit trying to make friends, the coach said she made angry faces when she received drill instructions. I held tight as long as I could to try to motivate her and see her through this tough period. We weren't going to be quitters, like the other families that had come and gone. We were dedicated. We spent thousands of dollars over the past few years on this sport. BUT she wore me out and after the 100th 4pm-fight-as she was headed out the door to swim team, I realized it was time to call it.
Time of death; 4:25 PM, 2/20/12.
We have closed this chapter in our life.
Yes, I am terribly sad. It was still worth it all, I know she would say the same too. She learned alot that won't ever be forgotten. I learned a lot about her and I and parenting. BUT in this moment, I can't believe it is over. It took me a long time, but today I realized, it was time to fold, time to walk away, time to let her play in her own way.
She wants to do track now. I am guarded. I can't yet imagine getting personally attached or invested, this has to be her own thing. I have taught her enough in this area, she can ask for help if she needs it now. We have pushed her plenty, she has accomplished a lot, but down this path we now go.
Let's see how much she really thinks she likes to run, when her parents aren't 'making' her.
Sunday night, she made a phone call to an 8th grader in our neighborhood and set up a running date for today. They did a whole mile.. wow.. I have such high hopes... :( Anyhow.. the good news is that now she is free about 3 extra hours a day, and any mom will know that there are always ways to add value to the house! :) I think about 4:00 today, she was rethinking her choices.
So, as I close this post, with my tears of grief.
However, I can also joyfully exclaim, I'm going to have one nice clean Master Bathroom this evening! Goodbye KING... it was nice knowing you., but it's time to walk away.
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